My husband and I are really soul mates. We loved each other right from the minute we first met at a high school dance. We both went home that night (little did we know) and said to our parents that tonight we met the person we were going to get married to. Directly after we got married, we moved with my parents to look for work and start our new lives. It absolutely was exciting, but we didn’t have a home of our own to live immediately.
My father talked us into living with them for a while until eventually we were money-wise sound enough to pay money for our own place. Little did we know, one month after moving into the new house together with them, my father would leave my mother, leaving us to have to look after my legally blind mother and my younger brother. We took over for paying for the bills and keeping things going in the right direction, along with using my mother’s disability checks.
Technically, the house was still my mothers, as it was in her name, and most of the possessions in it were hers except for what we actually had in our bedroom. We lived by her rules of the house still, just as I constantly did growing up as a young child. Call when you are going home, tell me your plans, whenever are you coming and going, disclose your financials….. Really still a little kid in a mother’s house.
We paid for our share of the house payment, bills, food items, etc and for some time it was working. We had our quarrels and such, but nonetheless mainly everything went along smoothly. We were basically just frustrated we still had all our possessions in a single bedroom, were still living by my mother’s rules of the household, and still hadn’t moved onward with a life of our very own.
At the 10 year marker it became obvious that we were actually slipping away from one another. My husband and I were fighting with each other more, which resulted in more fighting with my mother, and generally the question came up whether or not I loved him above my family. In one particular argument, he told me that I must make a choice: my mother or him. Needless to say, later in conversation, my mom gave me exactly the same ultimatum.
I searched my own heart and did a save my marriage today review. Despite the fact that I would continually love my mother and always wanted to be close to her, it was becoming more and more obvious that we cannot share a place living the way we did. I needed to tell her that we cannot live together any longer to save my marriage. At that point, my parents had been dating again for quite a little while and they had made the decision to get remarried, so it wasn’t like she didn’t have anyplace to go.
I simply just told her that my husband is my future and the rest of my life. Although she will always be my mother and an important part of my life, I wanted to move ahead with my life with my husband by my side. In order to do this, we needed our own home, build our own life, and do it right on our very own.
I still loved her and I didn’t want to damage our relationship by continually fighting. Understanding this was the initial step towards years of happiness and joy to come. We went our different ways with our living arrangements, yet we became tighter as a family mainly because we were living separately. My partner and I became much closer than ever and found our initial love growing with our completely new life together. At the end of the day, we had to get rid of my mom to save my marriage today.
Tags: counselor, counselors, marriage
